


Make Believe

by FinAmour



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Adora is a supportive girlfriend, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Love Confessions, Mild Angst, Nightmares, POV Catra (She-Ra), catradora
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:28:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24951580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FinAmour/pseuds/FinAmour
Summary: It’s all old hat by now. Adora knows when the nightmares come—usually before I wake up. She knows how I thrash around, clawing at the covers of our bed; the panicked whimpers and growls and hisses that come from somewhere deep in my chest.“Catra.” When she says my name, she gives it a light of its own. “You’re safe. I’m here.”
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 128
Collections: Fierce and Feisty Femslash!





	Make Believe

When I wake up screaming for the third night in a row, she’s already holding me.

It’s all old hat by now. Adora knows when the nightmares come—usually before I even wake up. She knows how I thrash around, clawing at the covers of our bed; the panicked whimpers and growls and hisses that come from somewhere deep in my chest.

“Catra.” When she says my name, she gives it a light of its own. “You’re safe. I’m here.”

It always happens like this: the memories return, crisp as an autumn breeze. I relive each second on loop. Night after night, I revisit every person I’ve harmed, every awful word I’ve said, every jagged puzzle piece that I couldn’t put into place.

“That isn’t you. Not anymore.” She hushes me softly, kissing my head and stroking my cheek with so much tenderness that it almost aches.  


When she holds me, it’s easy to make believe it’s not real. I can forget, for a teeny tiny moment, that I’m actually a monster.

“I know I say this every time it happens, but I’m gonna keep saying it until you no longer need to hear it. The old Catra—she was doing her best with what she had. And she deserves love, and understanding, and compassion. Her heart was good. _Your_ heart is good.”

I dig my claws into my skin until it bleeds. It helps, sometimes. Keeps me grounded. Gives the pain in my sternum a name. Helps me direct my anger towards the person I’m angry at: myself. Keeps my anger away from her.

“Let me see your hands,” she says. Her breath tickles my skin; my ears twitch.

“Adora...”

“I’m not judging you. But I’m also not going to let you harm yourself. Hands.”

I grumble as I gingerly slide my paws into hers.

“Thank you.” She smiles at me. Gazes back at me like I’m something worth beholding. Holds on to me like I’m something worth keeping. Raises my hands to her mouth, placing her soft lips to one wrist, and then to the other.

Fresh tears spring to my eyes. She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Sometimes, it’s hard to believe that I’m the one those lips are kissing.

The blood on my hands is still fresh, after all; and I’m the one who put it there. And Adora has seen it so many times before, but she still takes them into hers without a second thought—as though it’s already been washed away.

I bury my face into the crook of her neck.

I wonder, sometimes: if I cling to Adora tightly enough, will my past somehow go away? Will her love bathe me in its light, drowning out all of the darkness? Will my hands finally be clean?

But I already know the answer.

Nothing can change the fact that I’ve hurt her. And I will hurt her again. It’s inevitable—I hurt the people I love. It’s what I do best.

And god, I love her. I love her more than I ever knew possible. But my love is dangerous, and it can’t be contained. It’s a ticking bomb, waiting to explode—and when it does, it’ll destroy everything in its path.

If you can’t defuse a bomb, you’ve got to run from it. I’m sick of people running from me. If I’m gonna erase the damage I’ve caused, if I’m gonna make the world a better place, I think I’ve got to take myself out of it.

“I wish I never existed.” My voice is small; the words are muffled. “I wish... I wish I were dead.”

I don’t intend to say it—not like that. But there it is. I pull away and look up at Adora. The tears make everything blurry, and I can’t see what she’s feeling, even with my feline eyes. I just hope my words didn’t hurt her too much.

“I’m sorry,” I murmur. “I didn’t mean—“

“I know what it feels like.” She lifts her hand to my cheek. “...to want it all to end. I do.” She slowly leans in, pressing our foreheads together. “I’d really miss you if that happened, though. A lot. My world would be really dark.”

My lips tremble, and I swallow the lump in my throat. “I’m so tired. I don’t think I’ve got any light left in me.”

Our eyes fall closed. “That’s okay,” she says. “I’ve got enough light for both of us. I’ll lead the way until yours comes back.”

“But what if it doesn’t?” My voice is broken. “What if I get lost again? What happens to you then? What happens to us?”

“Nothing happens to us. There will always be an us. I’ve waited my entire life for there to be an “us.” I’ve gone to the ends of the galaxy to find you, and I would do it all again. You’ll never be lost alone.”

“How can you be sure?”

She shrugs. “Because that’s how love works.”

“Love,” I echo. That word, coming from her, will always be magnificent.

I cling to the collar of her shirt, still damp from my tears, and I press my lips to hers—they’re just as sweet as they always are. She cups my face in her hands, and I let my mouth fall open, sweeping my tongue over hers. She kisses me like I’m something worth kissing. I kiss her until we both run out of breath, and I lay my head on her chest.

“I’m scared, Adora.”

“Why?”

“What if I hurt you again?”

“What makes you think you’re going to hurt me?”

I wrap my arms around her tightly, doing all I can to keep myself from digging my claws into my own skin. “Sometimes, it’s like there’s this whole other side of myself, and I can’t control her. She’s hurt, and she’s angry, and I...I hate her. I hate her, I hate her.”

“But you acknowledge that she’s there, and that’s she’s not who you really are. That’s a big step in the right direction.”

I sigh. “What if it’s all for nothing?”

“It’s not. I promise it’s not.”

Somehow, I know she speaks the truth. She traces lines on my shoulders with her fingertips, and a quiet purr rumbles my throat.

She giggles softly. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

There was a time when those words seemed like the hardest I’d ever have to say. And until today, they were.

“Adora?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t want to feel like this anymore. But I don’t know how to fix it. Could you maybe, you know...help me with that?”

“Absolutely. I will do everything I can.” She kisses my forehead. “We’ll find the best professionals Etheria has to offer, and we’ll help you put every one of those pieces back together.”

“Thank you.” Suddenly, I feel lighter than a feather.

“Asking for help is never easy.” She loops her arms around my waist and squeezes me. “I’m proud of you, Catra.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Goodnight.” I smile as she presses her lips to my head one final time.My eyelids grow heavy, and I drift into a deep, dreamless sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Somewhere, I read that Catra exhibits signs of Borderline Personality Disorder, and this stuck with me. I’ve been diagnosed with BPD myself, and I’ve spent the last year of my life treating it—very successfully. 
> 
> A lot of that is thanks to my girlfriend, Rayna. She’s the Adora to my Catra. ❤️
> 
> This is my first She-ra fic—hope you enjoy it!
> 
> If you like my writing, follow me on twitter: @FinAmourBot


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